By Linda Tsungirirai Masarira
There is a growing and disturbing trend where some African men, under the guise of culture, are justifying abuse, infidelity, and control over women. One of the greatest misconceptions is around the sacred practice of lobola. Too many men today wrongly believe that the payment of lobola is a transaction to buy a wife, leading to a false sense of ownership, control, and power over her. This misconception has bred emotional, physical, and economic abuse in some marriages, and worse still, normalized cheating as “seeking new wives.”
As a woman who proudly practices African Traditional Religion (ATR) and has deeply researched the true essence of our traditions, I must clarify: lobola was never about buying a woman. It was paid as a token of appreciation to the bride’s family for raising a virtuous woman who would become a mother in the groom’s lineage. It was also a means to build relationships between the two families – fostering unity, love, and respect. It was a sacred rite, not a commercial exchange.
On the issue of polygamy, traditional African customs were very structured, respectful, and woman-centered. Contrary to what we see today, it was not a man’s license to be promiscuous or a cover for irresponsible behar. Traditionally, polygamy was initiated by the first wife, not the husband. It came after mutual consultation, and usually for deeply rooted reasons such as infertility, the need for a male child, or health-related matters like libido concerns. The first wife, known as Vahosi or vaNyachide, held senior status and had the honour of choosing the next wife, with family elders (vanatete and madzisekuru) involved every step of the way.
Today, men use distorted fragments of our culture to justify infidelity, mistreatment, and male dominance. This is not culture. This is abuse wrapped in the clothing of tradition.
We must reclaim and restore the dignity of our true African values, where women were honoured, protected, and respected in marriage, not treated as property. A culture that degrades women is not ours. Let us return to the Ubuntu and integrity that our ancestors upheld.
It all starts with a mindshift and learning to view the other gender as a companion friend and partner on equal and collaborative footing. I rest my case.
